The Conversation I Almost Had

Metacognition.

I’ve heard that word a lot lately.

In the simplest terms it means, thinking about our own thinking.

There’s definitely something to be said for it.

On a car ride the other day, my daughter and I were talking, and she got heated.

She has become very interested in volleyball. We’ve been going to the park so she has room to practice, and she’s thinking about joining a team or a club. She’s excited about the different moves and the skills she’s been improving through practice.

That day, I had promised to take her to practice.

Instead, errands for her Nana had us running late. By the time we were finished, it was time to go home and make dinner.

She wanted to talk about volleyball. But what came out first was her anger that we hadn’t gone to the park as promised.

My mother mind went straight to the practical side.

We could go another day. Things had come up that needed to be handled.

As adults, we know that sometimes responsibilities present themselves and take away the moments we’d much rather be living.

I would rather have been at the park, too. And I was about to explain all of that—to defend myself for choosing responsibility over something we both wanted to do.

I wanted to make her understand.

But she’s smart enough to understand why those things needed to be done. What she needed in that moment was acknowledgment of her disappointment.

Our pattern lately has been to go back and forth which somehow ends with us both more frustrated.

But that’s not what I want. It’s not the relationship I want with her.

After conversations where that has happened, I’ve found myself thinking about how young she still is. How much she feels, how passionate she can be, and how she’s still learning to express it all.

I’m the adult. I want to recognize that in the moment and respond in a way that doesn’t send the conversation somewhere neither of us wants it to go.

But I also know something about myself.

With my ADHD, I often feel misunderstood. I want to explain myself. Sometimes I want to feel right. And that can pull me into these conversations pretty easily.

This particular day, though, the word metacognition popped into my mind.

Before I responded, I sat quietly for a moment, noticing where my brain was about to take the conversation.

I could hear the response forming in my head.

What I was about to say didn’t necessarily feel wrong. But I could see how it might send us down that familiar road.

So, I thought about what I had been going to say, and I changed it before it was said.

Instead, I said, “I see how frustrated you are, and I know it’s disappointing.”

I had to stop myself there. I had the urge to explain more. But I stuck with what she needed in that moment instead.

I had promised her something she was looking forward to, and it hadn’t happened.

Whatever the reasons, her disappointment made sense.

I didn’t dismiss her passion or her anger. I acknowledged what she was feeling.

And that was enough.

Her anger eased, but her passion remained. After that, we had a very good conversation about volleyball and everything she was so excited to share.

I’ve thought about that moment since. About how I caught my response while it was still just a thought—and how much that changed the conversation that followed.

I would encourage you, especially if you’re a parent of a teen, to pay attention to the conversations forming in your head before they come out of your mouth.

Observe what you’re about to say. Consider if it is going to take the conversation down the path you want it to.

You might find that you want to shape it another way.

Sometimes, it doesn’t take much more than acknowledging someone’s disappointment to give their real passion room to shine.

You are always welcome here.

WGG 🌿